5 Tips for Success in Your Thirties

This week I have a great video post and I hope you like it!

It’s entitled “The 5 Tips to Success in Your 30s” But now that I’ve actually rewatched the video, I realize these are not necessarily the kind of tips you might be expecting…

screen-shot-2016-11-28-at-5-37-15-pm

PLAY VIDEO

I think I got a little carried away here and should have called the video something like, “5 Tips for Being an Awesome Person When You Grow Up“…but that didn’t exactly come to me yesterday…

So, ALAS!

Check out my 5 Tips for Success in Your 30s and share your thoughts below the video or directly on the blog. And feel free to add some “tips” of your own as well!

Special hashtag: #beagrownup

Plus, if you’d like to learn more great stuff about being in your thirties and how you can make it your most successful decade ever, get in touch for a chat! support@ashewoodward.com.

And don’t wait to grab your FREE copy of

The Thirtysomething’s Guide to Successful Goal-making HERE

goalmaking.png

Let’s Master Adult Life

I know I’ve written about the term, “adulting” before but I have another take on it. Used as a verb, the terms suggests that being an adult is an activity. We can all agree that activities like sports, hobbies, or even weird things people do on reality shows, can be mastered.

So could it then be possible, being that “adulting” is a verb, that we could one day perfect our adult lives?

Common sense, of course, tells us that it’s quite impossible. Yet, I know that there are a good many of us that are trying to do just that. We compare ourselves to friends, family members or celebrities, and wind up in shame spirals about not adulting right. We may kick ourselves for a while as we compare our silhouette to someone on the red carpet one or we may have a cry in the car as we leave our friends’s beautiful home.

But, eventually, we have to get back into our routine and keep our lives going. And, interestingly, I think it’s in our routines that the key to shaking off that shame spiral may lie.

If we really wonder closely about why it’s impossible to perfect our adult lives, consider how routine works. Routine rarely truly stays exactly the same for very long – we age, we grow and s#*!happens. It may seem that once we perfect routine, a stick is thrown into the spokes and we have to adapt – change jobs, gyms or move across the country for our own or spouse’s job.

The other problem is that there is no one specific activity that adulting is or that we could perfect. Maybe we can get really good at paying the bills on time or checking the oil in the car, but we could never be a professional at adult life…right?

No. No one is just born being good at life – Not you, me, your friends or even Beyoncé.

They might be good at singing, marketing, selling or sailing, but that doesn’t make them good at life in general.

In the book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell explains that it takes, on average, about 10,000 hours to be really, really good at something – like in the realm of a professional. In other words, a lot of practice makes pretty well perfect.

If you’re in your thirties, you have lived more than 10, 000 hours, but are those all good, adulting hours? Probably not.

Here’s some math I got obsessed with this past weekend while pondering:

By 30, we’ve lived for 262, 800 hours – clearly more than 10,000 hours, but that’s pretty ‘normal life’ hours.

If we take the government’s suggestion and say that age of majority is 19 (in Canada), I’ve been an adult for 11 years or 96,360 hours.

Again, quite a bit more than Gladwell requires.

But, if I’m really honest, it hasn’t been until recently that I really knew what being an adult truly meant besides being able to stay out really late, being able to drink alcohol and finally being able to curse around my mom.

I think that feeling of truly being responsible for myself and my actions and even thoughts and mood has only come to me lately – maybe when I turned 31. That was 3 years ago –  so, really, I only have 26,280 hours experience.

But it also hasn’t been consistent.

There are still times that I regress and reject being an adult. I skirt responsibilities, avoid talking about serious topics, and sometimes spend hours under a blanket watching Netflix, hiding from this cruel, cruel world.

And then the game will change again – and again and again.

Another way to think of it is being a parent. Everyone wants to be the perfect parent. Moms especially have guilt and perfection complexes out the ying-yang. They stretch themselves to reach an unreachable goal of being a ‘perfect mom’ and having the perfect routine (even though they’re doing a pretty perfect job already in most cases).

But think about it: how can you be a perfect parent to a growing human? Every minute the game changes. As soon as you’re a great parent to a five-year-old, he turns six! As soon as you’ve mastered the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, she turns around and says she wants jam!!

Perfect is just not gonna happen. And that’s the joke.

You’re not supposed to be good at it. The game will inevitably change again and all we can do is use our experience it to live it. We just have to marvel at the variables, the changes, the curveballs and take note of how we get slightly better each time we’re under the gun.

And the cool thing is that we’re all in the same boat. Not one single one of us has it all figured out. I know you’ve heard that before but this time, really listen.

For some reason, we’re all guilty of believing that some people have an extra magic gene that makes life simple. It may look like it – but it’s not. It never is.

Life is never something anyone can perfect or hack or do better than anyone else. And this is precisely why we have to acknowledge that we LIVE life and not DO life.

We can DO yoga, homework, singing and sailing – but not life. Life won’t let you DO anything to it but LIVE it.

But take comfort in this:

You have some experience being kind

You have some experience with working hard

You have a lot of experience with love

Hopefully, you’ve racked up quite a score in these areas.

Because adulting is hard. Yep – we like it like that. It’s meant to be. It’s what keeps us on our toes, and never lets us become too comfortable with mediocrity. It will continue to have memes created in its name, proclaiming its harshness. And, all the while, we laugh because we know the futility of our protest.

dogult

So don’t give in or give up. Continue the pursuit of betterment because that’s what we are meant to LIVE. It’s a big part f what it means to be a grownup – never give up, even when it’s hard.

I don’t mean to discourage you – quite the opposite. I want all of us to embrace our adulthood as something that we are blessed to experience. I urge you to remember that you’re doing everything just fine – there’s not really a wrong way – we’re all in this experiment together!

So even when the game changes completely, we just have to show up, love, work and continue to be kind. That’s all we can really say we’re good at, but it’s actually quite a lot. Don’t you think?

What part of adulting do you struggle with? Have you found any area that you think you may have mastered? Any advice for when we compare ourselves to others?

I’d love to talk about these ideas so leave a comment!

And if you’re ready to step into adulthood to become the best version of YOU, get in touch for a FREE coaching consultation – support@ashewoodward.com.

And be sure to download your copy of The Thirtysomething’s Guide to Successful Goalmaking HERE

   goalmaking

Life Goes On – After Elections and All Disappointments

This week, it goes without saying by now that the results of the American election were a shock for many. We’ve all seen the protests, the riots and heard countless commentary on the whole thing. I know we’re all a little sick of it, and hopefully, just ready to move the heck on.

While we’re still unsure of how this all will unfold, let’s remember how a few weeks ago many may have thought that Trump winning the presidency would be the absolute worst thing in the world to happen.

Beyond that we couldn’t imagine a future.

We posted //giphy.com/embed/140ANR8wKzkRm8<p><a href="http://giphy.com/gifs/trump-140ANR8wKzkRm8">via GIPHY</a></p>”>Armageddon GIFS and memes.memes

We creatively tweeted and posted our fears.

But take a look: so far, life goes on as planned. Nothing bad has happened (..yet).

We all still went to work the next day as usual and got s#^t done.

We still came home to our families and had some quality time.

We still celebrated our freedom here in North America with Veteran’s Day and Remembrance Day here in Canada, honouring the fact that it is our freedom and democracy that was and is fought for and what allows us to vote for our leader in our respective countries.

I know that there is a lot of pessimism out there right now but I just hope that we can all see how  that even though some people’s worst fear came true, we all survived and life goes on.

If this sounds familiar, like from other areas of life where you think that there is just no hope at all, I urge you to take a closer look and find a silver lining. Find something in your situation to be grateful for and trust that everything will (eventually) be okay.

Not to mention, but Veteran’s Day/Remembrance Day should also remind us that we’ve survived worse.

If you feel like you’re looking ahead and the future is looking grim with no silver lining, we should chat. Get in touch at support@ashewoodward.com. I’d love to help you find hope again and start taking your life and success into your own hands. 

And don’t wait to grab your FREE copy of

The Thirtysomething’s Guide to Successful Goal-making HERE

goalmaking

Are You in a Thankless Position?

When we’re growing up, we’re surrounded by praise from teachers, parents and even strangers who compliment our adorable cuteness.

And each time we hear we’ve done something right, we know we’re on the right track – our teacher says, “Keep up the good work,” and we know this means that if we keep on this way, we’ll pass.

Our parents may comment on our good use of manners and we learn how to treat people.

Our grandparents pinch our cheeks and we learn how to keep smiling.

But what about when we finally get out into the ‘real world’ and there’s no one to praise us or give us that direction?

What do we do when there’s no one to say that the decision we made was right or that the choices we’re making are smart, or that the work we’re doing will help us land that promotion?

If you’re one of the lucky ones, you have a good boss or supervisor who notices your hard work and is directing you towards success in your field. Same thing goes if you have a mentor or coach.

But if you’re like the rest of the population, you’re in a thankless job and you’re working to keep hope alive by finding little wins each day to brag about to your partner or dog when you come home.

If you’re in this category, you are the silent hero – going above and beyond your job, your home responsibilities and duties and no one really knows about all your hard work except you. While there is some honour in this, it’s not the best way to care for yourself or get ahead. Too much time spent feeling like you’re ‘guessing’ at the right thing to do often leads to stress, breakdowns and sad/funny meme creation.

But if you’re in a place where you feel like you’re alone and you really haven’t got a f&*king clue, let me tell ya – YOU’RE NOT ALONE. Not in an X-files creepy way, but in the way that even if it doesn’t seem like it, everyone is kinda winging it here.

The fact that these memes are posted and reposted is proof that we’re all feeling it. We all feel like we need more direction and praise. Unfortunately, this is the adult’s cross to bear.

But here’s the gist and what I truly believe: You need to trust and have faith in your 30+ years of life experience. Trust your intuition as being stronger than just a ‘guess’ because it has gotten you this far. And as you trust yourself more and more, your instincts will grow stronger like worked muscles and decisions become easier and the future seems brighter.

I think Henry Ford said it well when he said, “Quality is doing it right, even when no one is watching.”henry-ford-quotes-4

When we feel like we’re not being thanked or praised, it’s easy to want to give up. But integrity and a quality life is knowing that you are always doing your best, no matter what others notice.

And lastly, let me just say:

If you’re working to get to your dream in some pretty unglamourous ways – side hustles and side-side hustles

If you’re working to take care of you and your kids and you’re exhausted every night

If you’re working your butt off but still have no extra money at the end of the month

If you’re working at a business with no clients yet

If you’re doing everything you can with no results but keep going anyway cuz all you have is faith

If you’re writing a blog that no one leaves comments on…

I SEE YOU!

And I hope you feel it, because I mean it.

You may not KNOW what you’re doing, but still, you’re doing it! And that’s all you can always do.

Just keep going and know that the universe is watching. Your positive effort energy is never wasted because it always goes out into the world and turns into something else, probably for someone else’s benefit.

Have faith that even if things seem tough right now and it may seem like no one is rooting for you, please know that it isn’t true. Your small deeds matter to everyone because the fact that you keep doing it adds more magical grit and inspiration into the world.

I see you, thirtysomeone. I see you:)

If you’d like to learn more about integrity and the power of praise or tell me more about what you do as a silent hero, get in touch for a chat! support@ashewoodward.com.

And don’t wait to grab your FREE copy of

The Thirtysomething’s Guide to Successful Goal-making HERE

goalmaking.png