Today was the date of a goal I had set at the beginning of the year. Did I reach it? Yes! Time for celebration, right? Or at the very least, special Sunday pancakes with raspberry syrup (my personal favorite).
But before the celebration could begin, my first thoughts this morning were all about how everything could go wrong. I had the craziest thoughts flash through my head like a horrible YouTube ad you can’t skip. And even my beloved pancakes couldn’t pull me from under the covers.
See, I had this goal to create a course that will give my readers and clients a way to connect and share their thoughts, challenges and achievements in their thirties. Today was the day for me to publish the group and get things going. I am a little ahead of the game, luckily, but for some reason the impact of it is only now catching up to me.
Out of nowhere, I started to see how my dreams of speaking and working with more and more clients would take me away from time with my husband and my family. I even had tears on the move as I imagined how I could die in a plane crash if I eventually took the course on the road. I felt the responsibility of being a good host and event leader press the covers over my head. I curled up in terror at the thought of keeping my life the same, but I shuddered at moving forward and putting myself in danger.
When my alarm officially went off, I was shaking. It was like my body was physically rejecting the change I wanted for myself. I wish I could say that my smart, self-motivating, professional self just brushed it off, but it wasn’t so easy. Even closing my eyes to get on with my usual morning meditation wasn’t helping.
I felt like my world and my dreams were crashing down once again and I’d be frozen where I am forever. And worse, here I am telling the world to go for it and I can’t even get out of bed.
Finally, I took some breaths and used my coaching basics to ask myself:
“What’s really going on here?”
The answer I knew right away. My ego was up to its old tricks.
The ego is the self and your identity. The ego knows me as one thing and likes to be comfortable. It’s never crazy about learning new things because it doesn’t often use the subconscious to help it out (which would make things much easier).
My new venture will shake the identity that my ego has known thus far and so she was throwing a tantrum because she was being threatened.
Realizing this helped me to brush the devil off my shoulder and get out of bed but it still left an icky residue with me for the rest of the day. Later on, I thought maybe taking a shower would help. But sitting at my desk all squeeky clean I knew what I had to do to shake off the dirty ego that was acting out.
Take action anyway.
So if you’re in the Toronto, Canada area CLICK HERE to join the Being Thirties Meetup. We’re meeting for a second time this Wednesday and looking forward to the larger course in September.
Get all the info for the larger course HERE.
And if you’re outside of the area, I’d love to hear your comments and stories on how you’ve conquered your ego or are working on it.
See? Once you just go for it, what’s there to be afraid of?
Photo courtesy of rebellesociety.com